Overgiving, undercharging and the simple fix most freelancers avoid
You are halfway through a project.
They ask for something extra.
It is not tiny.
It is not what you agreed.
And the first thought that pops into your head is not,
“That will be an extra £250.”
It is,
“If I charge for this, will they leave?”
I see this fear constantly.
Not just in new freelancers.
In experienced women who are brilliant at what they do.
They work flat out.
They deliver properly.
They care about the result.
And they still hesitate to charge for something that was never agreed in the first place.
Many of them tell me the same thing in different words:
they are working long hours but not making enough money.
The fear no-one names
Let’s say it plainly.
The fear is not really about money.
It is about being replaced.
What if I push back and they find someone cheaper?
What if I insist on being paid and they stop using me?
What if I say no and they move on?
For many women, that fear runs quietly in the background of every invoice, every boundary, every awkward email.
We are often raised to be helpful before we are raised to talk about money. To smooth, to support, to prove ourselves. Not to negotiate.
So when we start a business, we are excellent at delivering.
We are not always as strong at charging.
And that gap costs.
Working hard is not the same as being paid properly
I went self-employed for equal pay. I was fed up with being given the work while the pay and the status went to a man who knew less than I did.
That was the plan.
And then I discovered I was a terrible boss to myself.
I worked hard. I delivered properly. I cared about my clients.
And I did not pay myself enough.
I absorbed extras.
I discounted without thinking.
I avoided awkward money conversations.
I was being fair to everyone except me.
Too many women in business are in the same position.
Busy.
Responsible.
Exhausted.
And quietly wondering why they are working long hours but not making enough money.
There is plenty of data showing that women in business often earn less than men. Figures from the Office for National Statistics regularly show income gaps. Some of that reflects differences in hours worked. Some of it reflects the fact that women are more likely to work in sectors that traditionally pay less. But even within the same sector, women often charge less than their male peers.
The work you did for free will not protect you
Many women have done this at least once.
You support someone in the early days of their business.
You go above and beyond.
You “just help out” a bit more than you agreed.
You believe that when the business grows, you will be valued.
Sometimes that works.
Often it does not.
The work you did for free that helped launch their business will not pay your mortgage. It will not build your pension. It will not protect you if they decide to hire in-house, switch supplier or try someone new.
That is not personal.
It is business.
Every business relationship ends.
You leave.
They leave.
Or life gets in the way.
Nothing lasts forever.
So the question is not, “How do I stop them ever leaving?”
The question is, “When this ends, what position will I be in?”
You Should Not Be Negotiating Halfway Through
The reason that mid-project money conversations feel so uncomfortable is simple.
You are trying to agree something that should have been agreed before you started.
If what is included, what counts as extra and how extras are charged were never clearly set out, then every new request becomes a fresh negotiation.
And you are negotiating when:
– You have already committed the time.
– You have already built goodwill.
– You are already invested.
That is the worst moment to try and hold a boundary.
When your agreement already sets out what counts as extra and how it is charged, you do not have to rely on confidence. You rely on what was agreed.
Agree it before you start
The simple fix most freelancers avoid is this:
Agree it before you start.
Not vaguely.
Not in passing.
Not in your head.
In writing.
Clear agreements about:
– What is included.
– What is not included.
– What counts as extra.
– How extras are charged.
– When invoices are due.
– What happens if they are not paid.
This is exactly why I care so much about well-written terms of business. Not to make things formal for the sake of it, but to stop you having the same awkward conversation over and over again.
When those things are set out at the beginning, you are not being difficult halfway through.
You are simply applying what was agreed.
It stops feeling like a personal confrontation and starts feeling like admin.
Money in the Bank Changes Your Tolerance
It is amazing how much less you put up with when you are not skint.
When you have:
– Money in the bank.
– More than one client.
– A steady flow of enquiries.
You do not panic at one awkward email.
You can say no calmly because you are not frightened.
This is not about being ruthless.
It is about not being scared.
And clear agreements are part of how you get there.
If your current agreements leave you guessing what you can charge for, that is usually the place to start.
If you aren’t clear how can your client be clear?
You do not need to be harder
As we approach International Women’s Day, there will be plenty of talk about empowerment.
Here is the part we do not say often enough.
Empowerment without profit is fragile.
You do not need to be harder.
You do not need to be less caring.
You need to be clearer.
Clear about what you do.
Clear about what it costs.
Clear about what is included.
Clear about what is not.
If you are asking for something halfway through the job that should have been agreed at the start, that is not a confidence problem.
It is a clarity problem.
And clarity is fixable.
It is one of the reasons I created KoffeeKlatch in the first place.
We explored some of these themes in last year’s International Women’s Day article as well, looking at resilience and the unexpected challenges many business owners face.
You can read that piece here
